In my E~Breath blogs, I don’t usually start with scripture. For this E~Breath, I found a perfect scripture so I choose to begin with it. Find a place where you can sit, breathe and BE present.
A Full Life in the Emptiest of Places
“If you get rid of unfair practices,
quit blaming victims,
quit gossiping about other people’s sins,
If you are generous with the hungry
and start giving yourselves to the down-and-out,
Your lives will begin to glow in the darkness,
your shadowed lives will be bathed in sunlight.
I will always show you where to go.
I’ll give you a full life in the emptiest of places—
firm muscles, strong bones.
You’ll be like a well-watered garden,
a gurgling spring that never runs dry.
You’ll use the old rubble of past lives to build anew,
rebuild the foundations from out of your past.
You’ll be known as those who can fix anything,
restore old ruins, rebuild and renovate,
make the community livable again.
Isaiah 58:9-12 The Message
Folks that know me would probably agree that I am seldom without words. The violence we have witnessed over recent history, culminated this July and left me in a place of wordless lament. None of my usual standby strategies eased the pain of my broken, bleeding heart. Shots fired, Orlando, Louisiana, Minnesota, Dallas…these are only the most media saturated stories,and they left a gaping hole in my heart. Imagine all the others stories that did not receive as much attention. Imagine if I personally knew any of the victims.
Like most people, I am not a stranger to or immune from private and communal grief, but this time I could find no way to respond to that grief. Prayer services and protests were all opportunities offered to me, I wasn’t there yet. I got on my mat, practiced and yet no direction. Heightened awareness for sure, but trying to accommodate who I am within the situation was an obstacle. I found accepting the platitudes that we’re being espoused all around me made it too difficult to even consider how to act in a faithful way and even that was judged as compliced to the violence. I was stuck, so I sat there, staring into space in my backyard. Something pushed me to notice, to really see all the weeds! I am not a gardener and dislike the need to weed, even though I have experienced it’s therapeutic value. I began pulling weeds and as I did God’s Spirit moved in my thoughts.
Some weeds are beautiful but overtake the garden and need to be pulled so other beautiful plants can survive. One might think of vines, with little purple flowers that grow over arborvitaes and weigh them down. There are weeds that neither look good or seem to serve a purpose, that spread like wildfire and hurt…think Canadian thistle. There are weeds that historically have been used for various healing types of things that we now hate because they kill everything around them to survive, creeping charlie comes to mind. Then there is that irritating tree stump that refuses to die and keeps growing little sprouts…that one got to me! With righteous anger I headed for gloves and pruning shears. I marched out there and began hacking away, very pleased with myself for finally eradicating the stump, till I looked down and, wait for it…I had hacked away ½ of my beautiful bleeding heart, that was right next to the stump and obviously not in bloom. I sat down right there, held in the crook of God’s creative nature and prayed, “God, stop the bleeding, but do it your way not mine, your will is perfect.”
Now, I could offer you all kinds of metaphors that came to me as I pulled weeds in my backyard, but instead will leave it to you to weed through your own “backyard” with the Spirit’s voice as a guide. I pray and believe my bleeding heart will recover. I trust that God will move me into a path where awareness, acceptance and action will lead to healing for all of us. We are all one but knowing that and acting that way seem to be worlds apart these days. Still, We are called to trust God to guides us to full life together out of empty spaces, using the life, mission and ministry of Jesus to lead us.
I returned to mat calmer, more accepting and open to God’s presence. I acknowledged and accepted where I was in the now, trusting God to direct my actions in the not yet and as I breathed, an old hymn came to mind; In Christ there is no east or west, in him no south or north; but one community of love, in this whole wide earth.
Peace
Pastor Cindy
